 |
|
| Category: Positive Stories |
Date published: December 17, 2003 |
? 2003
Julie Jordan Scott
My heart pahrump pahrumped in my chest filling my body with
anxiety laced blood.
I opened the door feeling like annoyance personified. It was
unfounded yet completely present in that moment.
I was asked to be there, I was supposed to be there, it was
important I go there and yet I felt so fully out of my element
I wanted to turn and run. I held Emma by her sweet little
six-year-old hand. She didn't know she was a pair of training
wheels with brown hair and blue eyes.
Words stammered from my mouth, saying something like
Ummmm... I am Julie Jordan Scott, I am here to pick up
my script and schedule for `Into the Woods'.
I looked at my feet, afraid the young man behind the counter
would begin laughing and saying something like Oh yeah
right, I think you need to wake up out of that dream state
you are in woman. There is no Julie Jordan Scott on my list!
Instead he said nothing of the sort. Instead he said, Ohhhhhh,
ok great. I am Andrew, I am playing `The Baker'. Come this way.
Off we went into the catacombs of the theater. I dragged Emma
behind me as Andrew-the-Baker walked more quickly than we did.
She morphed from training wheels personified into a lead weight
as I struggled to keep up, to not get lost in this place that felt so
frighteningly dark, deep and unknown.
This was it, I thought. I will follow Andrew-the-Baker someplace
and then he will discover that indeed I am not on the list after all,
it was all some sort of cosmic mistake. Hurry up, hurry up, hurry
up, I wordlessly intoned to daughter.
My heart continued pahrump pahrumping as I arrived where I was
meant to be and Andrew-the-Baker handed me a frighteningly thick
script, a schedule and some contact phone numbers.
There was my name in black and white.
I gulped. I was petrified.
What had I done?
I stood there, stone like. Numbness started in my toes and creeped
through my veins into my gut and up and around my ears and scalp
carrying the stupefying echo and rush of blood as it moved
through the deadness of my formerly alive body.
Andrew-the-Baker kept moving around, very business-like,
oblivious of the statue now standing in the office.
How was I ever going to pull this off? Look at the names on
this list. These were names I recognized as talented, gifted.
Amazing even.
I looked again. Yes, there was my name.
I heard my voice say something that sounded like, Look,
Emma! Mr. Burdick is in the cast! And Mrs. Burdick, too.
I felt my head move as I looked to Andrew-the-Baker and
added, Mr. Burdick is my daughters' choir teacher.
Andrew-the-Baker responded with something appropriate
which I totally lost as the pahrump pahrumping screamed
Get out of the building as quickly as possible!
I think I said Good Bye as I walked out the door and
somehow made it to my car.
Hardly sounds like an empowering moment in time, does it?
Yet as I write about these moments in my very recent past,
I hear the truth pulsating through the stony, escalating pahrump
pahrump which in that moment felt so foreign and displacing.
It felt like I had actually turned to stone. A statue, a wall, a
human monolith.
It takes courage to simple breathe in and out and move
beyond those moments.
It takes boldness to stay in the space of terror in order to
to step beyond it, to allow the fog to lift.
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe said, ?Whatever you do,
or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and
power and magic in it.
This may sound odd: it takes boldness to invite that
stunned, dazed, numb feeling into your life and at the
same time, if you don't occasionally stretch enough to
feel stunned, dazed, and numb there is a possibility
your life will never stretch beyond its current state.
Even if your life is exhilaratingly magnificent, a montage
of beauty it can and it will get even better than it is right
now as you continue to expand along your journey.
Begin whatever it is that calls to you wherever you are
right now, even if you don't know what ?it? is saying, where
the road is leading or what the risks and possible outcomes
may be: there is no way of knowing what genius, power
and magic may be wanting to speak through you when you
agree to enter into moments like the one I described that
feel such intense shock and dismay.
If you mistake that flash for pain, for something unwanted,
you may miss your grandest adventure yet.
Think of it this way instead:
This brief feeling of inertia - of being petrified -- is the space
between heartbeats, that flash of a moment before the path
continues onward and upward and outward and into the place
where you were meant to be all along.
It's Waiting to Welcome You Home
=======
Julie Jordan Scott is the Creator of the Passion Crafting Method
Life Coaching + You = Results
Creativity Coaching + You = Rewards
Bringing Artful Passion into Your Business and Bringing
Business into Your Art http://www.5passions.com
Coaching and Training for All Budgets
|
[All work by author is copyright protected. If you would like to use this article, please contact the author for permission.]
Disclaimer: The Views and Information expressed on this webpage are that of the Author and do not necessarily reflect the views, data, policies, endorsement or support of HolisticJunction.com's Administration or its standards.
|
|
|
|
Articles
