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| Category: Alternative Healing Schools |
Date published: May 14, 2004 |
 Relationship mastery requires that you learn how to maturely protect your boundaries. If you never learned how to maturely protect your boundaries, you'll be forced to use childlike ego defenses. The most important ability in the development of healthy boundaries is to master how to communicate your feelings.
A boundary is a limit that promotes integrity. Healthy boundaries come from your conscious awareness of the distinction between you and the people with whom you share your life. Boundaries protect you and make you feel safe. There are two types of boundaries: Physical Boundaries and Emotional Boundaries. Physical Boundaries are based on the invisible three-foot comfort zone that surrounds you. This is your physical boundary of safety that you (and others) need to feel safe. Emotional Boundaries separate you from others emotionally and psychologically. Your ego-mind creates a sense of personal space and separation from others in order to help you feel physically safe and prevents emotional enmeshment with others. When someone violates your physical or emotional boundaries without your permission, you feel uncomfortable--perhaps even threatened. Spiritual relationships requires you to honor the need for physical and emotional boundaries in others and themselves.
When someone trespasses your boundaries by thoughtless or intrusive actions these actions are called... boundary violations.
There are TWO TYPES OF BOUNDARY VIOLATIONS: Violations of intrusion and violations of emotional distance:
1. Violations of Intrusion happen when a person is verbally, emotionally, sexually or physically abused or enmeshed.
2. Violations of Emotional Distance occur when emotional intimacy is less than what is appropriate for the relationship. Emotional distance is harmful, especially with children. A child has the right to expect closeness and emotional intimacy from her caretakers, and when it is excessively removed or cut off, it hurts and it becomes emotionally harmful. For example, when you were a child, if your parents only talked to you to give you orders or to reprimand you, this would be a violation of emotional distance. Children and adults need hugs, affection and emotional intimacy from their parents in order to feel safe and secure.
Violations of Emotional Distance are difficult to validate because these wounds were caused by... "what wasn't done to you."
When you were a child, you did not have the power or wisdom to stop others from transgressing your boundaries. Adults could do as they wished with you because you were powerless to stop them. Now that you are an adult, you are able to use your adult powers to set mature, functional boundaries so that you can feel safe, sane and secure in the world.
Often when a child's boundaries are violated it is allowed to continue because the child has not been taught that he/she has the right to say "NO" when his/her boundaries have been breached. If you were not given permission as a child to say NO to protect your boundaries then you'll need to practice corrective Self-parenting boundary exercises.
Emotional boundaries help you to stay safe by stopping you from becoming enmeshed in the fear based ideas and behaviors of others. Emotional boundaries tie directly to your belief systems. It is important that you discern what beliefs belong to you from those that originate from others. Your mind will treat all of your beliefs indiscriminately and act on them accordingly. Since your mind does not care whether a belief is yours or another's (such as a parent) unless you program it otherwise, it will create a reality that you may or may not wish to participate in. Because of this, you can become emotionally enmeshed in the beliefs of others to the point that it will create dysfunctional programming in your life. A Relationship Mastered person recognizes the impor-tance of not imposing their beliefs upon others because they realize that it is an emotional boundary violation. This does not mean that you cannot express your beliefs; it just means that you should not overly insist, impose, or try to manipulate another into accepting your point of view and belief systems.
Namaste, my soul friends..... Hu Dalconzo
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