 |
|
| Category: Meditation |
Date published: June 6, 2005 |
Within most of us is a deep and compelling need or desire to do better, feel better and be better. There are so many roads to travel in our quest to find ourselves, change ourselves or improve ourselves. Some may ponder life's great questions from within their own minds, whilst others may go in search of knowledge or experience. Many take a practical approach and look at education or developing talents and techniques. There are many books and courses on things related to personal growth and we often find ourselves writing down our goals and charting our accomplishments. Often the focus is on such things as motivation, self esteem, relationship issues, breaking or creating habits or getting fit and healthy. Personal growth is often about or becoming more successful or improving career and financial issues.
At some point during the personal growth adventure, everyone comes to the realization that the thinking behind the behaviour must be explored. For many people this is their first experience with getting out of a conscious thinking mode and probing a little deeper into the subtleties of the sub-conscious.
Of course I have come across many people who say things like "Oh, I'm not into all that psycho babble, all that emotional stuff is for girls! You just get up each day, do an honest days work and get on with it. You are born, you live and you die. Some are lucky, some are not and you just take the hand that you were dealt.
The exploration goes so much deeper, and for many, it can be an on going work of art. By exploring our behavioural patterns, sub-conscious beliefs and/or trying to unravel childhood conditioning, we begin to practice quiet reflection and stillness. We become more aware of changes on a deeper level. Perhaps this is viewed as a subtle shift in energy or a greater awareness of intuition.
We begin to move away from intellectual information in search of innate wisdom, higher knowledge or at the very least a deeper understanding of our authentic selves. This, for many people will be their initial introduction to meditation.
Some people believe that meditation is the physical mind communicating with the spiritual. Some will explain it as communicating with God. Others may believe they are entering a realm of enlightenment or it may be a language between conscious and sub-conscious minds.
Personally, I don't really care about who, how or why, and I think whatever feels comfortable for each individual is fine. Quite often you will find that you change your perceptions and opinions along the way. People like to make simply things complicated and often people like to argue for the sake of thinking they are right.
Using visual images and or dialogue during a meditative state creates communication with either the sub-conscious mind or higher intelligence. Who and/or what is decided by your own belief system. After a short time of practising meditation and experiencing the deep sense of peace and well-being which results, it is almost impossible to not want to go further and deeper into it. Meditation can quickly become a habit and most people will go on to using it in many different ways.
Initially, it may just be a relaxation tool but with regular practise the powerful changes, which occur deep within the spirit, become irresistible forces, gently enticing us to seek deeper or more expansive experiences.
At some point everyone experiences a deep sense of their own personal energy. We become intrigued with the nature of that energy and understand we have the ability to balance ourselves at a core level. This is when we know that we are capable of healing ourselves from within.
All meditations require your body to be relaxed and comfortable and your mind to be still and internally focused. You do not need to shave your head, wear robes, chant om, burn incense and candles or sit in a lotus position.
If you are doing a healing meditation on yourself, you will probably find that lying on your bed is the most comfortable place. Mornings are often the best time as you are less likely to be tired after a nights sleep. As meditation requires you to become deeply relaxed, you may find that you will fall asleep too easily, if you are tired.
How you use meditation is determined by your intention. The basic principle is always the same; relaxed body and internally focused mind. There are many different uses for meditation and many different experiences. Although you may have healing as your intention, you will find that each meditation is a new experience.
If you have never meditated before you may feel a little apprehensive or perhaps unsure that you are doing it right. Rather than go into great explanations and instructions, which may or may not apply to your experiences, I will try to describe to you what one of my meditations is like from an inside viewpoint.
Healing Meditation. I stretch and relax my body, then settle comfortably, lying on the bed on my back. I breathe deeply and slowly and tune my awareness into watching the inhalations and exhalations moving through my body. I remind myself to detach my awareness from all external influences and encourage myself to float and drift, peacefully downwards, into a deeper state of relaxation. It is just a casual observation of my breath and the serenity, which flows through me.
I then direct my focus to the base of my spine. (Base chakra) After a short time I become aware of a slight pulsation, which indicates this area is now open, and freely flowing with energy. The base chakra is associated with security and a lack of free flowing energy here would indicate to me, that I was holding tension here, meaning I was feeling unsafe or unsupported.
I imagine a thick, strong, golden cord running from the base of my spine, down deep into the centre of the earth and grounding me. This gives me a sense of belonging in my space on the earth and also being securely held and supported. I then run another cord from the base of my spine down through my legs and then out through the soles of my feel. This is an additional grounding cord and also anchors me. I watch detached, as energy rises along the cords and I can now physically feel energy waves, gently and pleasantly, swirling around my pelvic area.
I affirm to myself, "I am safe, supported, secure and protected. I am physically and materially provided for, and all my needs are met, easily and effortlessly".
My attention now lifts to my third eye; this is the screen of my mind. I look slightly upwards towards the inside of my forehead, above and behind my eyebrows. I ask the question, "What do I most need to see, know, feel or do right now?" It's tempting to keep asking but I know that stillness is required and listening is essential. It takes a moment for fluttering and blurred fragments to focus into clear images and my senses seem to probe, shift and adjust, trying to hook into a strong sensation.
I become aware of a package, like a video package on a T.V. news programme. They are short compilations of images depicting one theme. I see images of myself and sense that the theme is about me and money. I ask what it is that I need to understand here. I sense/hear the words `Debt Consciousness'. Images of debt, financial lack and money struggles play out on my screen. I see myself years before, having my car repossessed, being evicted, borrowing and stealing, stressed, embarrassed, resentful, frustrated and angry.
The images went way back into childhood issues, so many things long forgotten, but now playing across my mind. I see a running machine and I run faster and faster but still, I get no further ahead. I see a calendar with pages tearing away and years racing by. Each calendar has all the pages marked with numbers and due dates.
I now see a box and all the rolls of video film are placed inside the box. The box lifts and then spirals downwards. I watch as the box falls quickly and deeply down into the centre of the earth. Fire swallows the box and an ever so slight wisp of smoke rises to confirm to me that the box and all its contents have been destroyed.
My attention is now drawn back to the base of my spine and I notice long white tentacles emanating outwards in all directions. The tentacles seem to be white ribbons but then I realize they are fluid beams of white light. As I watch, I notice the lights are searching the world, the universe and beyond. I become aware that the light is seeking and finding good fortune, gifts, windfalls, inheritances, generosity, ideas, success and abundance. Money symbols like dollar signs, coins and dollar notes slide easily and quickly along the shafts of light and fall into the base of my spine.
My pelvic area feels like it is expanding and I notice multi-coloured lights flickering and waves of cloudy energy forms swirling around inside me. Golden stars shoot around and out of me. I feel light and energized and peaceful and I am pulsating and expanding, feeling lighter and lighter.
The energy rises into the second chakra and I watch fascinated, as a clear glass looking funnel rises from me and extends into infinity. Thick, fluid light is being pored into the funnel and enters my body, swirling around, feeling warm and slightly vibrating within me. I become weightless and feel as if I am floating blissfully on air.
Faces of past lovers and friends come into focus and then drift by. They return pieces of me that they have been holding and I notice fragments lift from me and return to them. I'm not sure what this exchange is but as I wonder about this, my intuition answers, we are letting go and moving on. This is done with gratitude and love and we all keep what was given and meant to be taken but we let go of the attachments, which may have been holding us back.
As the energy around my second chakra becomes stronger and freer I find my body responding with a sense of sexual arousal. It's very nice but I know that if I focus on this, I will become tempted to allow myself to be seduced by it. I have learned through experience that by lifting my attention into the third chakra the arousal energy will become spiritual energy and physical vitality.
I sense and see what looks a little like, `The milky way', expanding throughout my solar plexus. Twinkling, gold and silver particles and wispy cloudy light, with floating and spiralling coloured strings, gentle movement and a slight humming sensation. This reminds me of looking through a microscope or perhaps a kaleidoscope. This is too hard to describe, as nothing else is similar enough to make a comparison. Colours and shapes that don't quite exist in my present reality.
I notice a beam of light, like a spotlight searching out dark or congested pockets within the area. I am scanning my stomach, kidneys, liver and digestive system. I physically feel a lot of movement and hear my stomach growl. There is a feeling of effervescence like champagne bubbles rising within me. An ever so slight nauseous feeling washes over my solar plexus but before I can ask if I am not well, I realize there is a lifting and freeing of emotional blocks in progress.
Feeling reassured, I relax and observe and notice what seems like a magnifying glass being held over varying shapes of dark energy patterns. Words like criticism, resentment, worry and insecurity come to my mind. The dark shapes become lighter and appear to be hit with a laser beam, which lifts the patterns like some kind of vapour, which then disappears. It's impossible to describe this accurately but I found it really interesting to view emotions and feeling as texture, colour and shape.
I move my hands and rest them over my heart, as I will energy to rise again and enter the heart area. I can physically feel my heart beating under my hands and I instruct my hands to send warmth and healing light into my heart. It takes a moment but then I notice my heart beat slowing down and very subtle waves of movement spreading throughout my chest and up into my shoulders. My hands can feel this movement and my heart, lungs, back and shoulder muscles become expanded and lighter. There are two or three very strong streams of movement racing down through my body and out through my feet. It felt like a drain being unblocked as my whole body then took up this surge of lightness and effervescence. I felt a sense of excitement but it was profoundly calm and serene at the same time.
I was mentally scanning my body and my body was a mass of vibrating, pulsating, free moving atoms. The inside of my body looked like the galaxy when viewed from a powerful telescope on a clear night. I noticed everything moving freely and lightly but then became aware that around my left knee there was a sluggishness and darkness. I wanted to direct light into the knee area but found I could not will my energy there. The harder I tried to focus on my knee, the stronger my heart reacted. I tried again and once more my heart responded and my attention was drawn back into the heart area.
I asked my mind to explain what this was about and I sense/heard "All healing is initiated from the heart". It was further explained that all disease or dis-ease originates in the heart. All dis-ease is made up of physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual influences. My minds voice stated that the pain in my knee was a physical manifestation of the original pain in my heart.
I was intrigued and wanted to know what this `original template' of dis-ease was. Images of past events became another video package. I watched peacefully and in a detached way, as visions of many times during my life, I had been left feeling unsupported, insecure and unprotected. I didn't quite see the connection so I was then shown images of myself dressed in some kind of armour. I was holding a long and heavy sword, looking around vigilantly, defensive and prepared. There was a steel chest plate covering my chest and back.
My understanding of these images and the childhood images that were presented is that on a deeper level within me I felt unprotected and unsupported.
As I contemplated my life, it became crystal clear to me that I saw myself as someone who needed to be totally self-reliant. I was unwilling or unable to ask for or accept help from others. Perhaps I truly believed that there was no help available. I saw my rebelliousness against authority, my suspicion of peoples personal agendas, felt my deep disappointment in people who had taken from me in an underhanded way, I saw myself as small, scared and vulnerable, in a world of threatening intentions.
I also saw a package of myself as a strong, independent, capable and clever person. I have a huge determination to fight fiercely for freedom, justice, independence and truth.
I asked again how this played into the pain in my knee.
The answer came that, `The pain in the knee is the physical manifestation of arthritis'. The arthritis is the physical outcome of a deep belief in being unsupported and alone. It's about security - security on the deepest level of self; a belief that life itself is an unsafe place, a deep belief that self-preservation and protection is my primary objective in life.
From this came an insight into other areas of distress in my life and I saw the same connection to many years of suffering deep fatigue and a lifetime struggle with maintaining energy and money.
So, here it was `Arthritis, fatigue and financial lack, were all physical manifestations of my belief that I am under threat'. It is about fear, abandonment, insecurity or the constant need to keep myself protected or supported.
This all came as some surprise to me and my impulse was to deny it. My conscious and rational belief about myself did not want to accept the idea of myself as insecure. I am bold and brave and I will fight you on the street, I have words like poison arrows and I will not cry - never. I ask for nothing and I always give more than I take. You can rip my heart out and I will look you in the eye and spit on you. How can the very core of me be working from a place of insecurity?
I am one of the coolest, calmest, most practical and accepting people I know. I rarely get stressed out, hardly ever get depressed, I laugh a lot and my most obvious character trait would be described by others as `very easy going'.
May attention was then directed to my adrenal glands and I watched as tiny little drops of adrenaline seeped slowly and consistently like a leaky tap. Each drop merges into the bloodstream and travels throughout my body. I see it acting like acid and burning holes and making tracks within me. I see the drops splashing up against my nervous system and it looks like violin strings being pulled taunt and then released. I see the acid drops sliding over my joints and leaving pitted marks on my bones and cartilage. I see my vitality rising and falling but gradually rising less as it becomes thicker, heavier and denser.
I watch as my sluggish energy rises into my forehead and I see my third eye open and alert. It watches vigilantly, looking behind and ahead, darting back and forth and to the sides, anticipating danger.
I enter my mind and I see counter, a counter is like a mental abacus. I tally debts here, always counting, always juggling finances, borrowing here and paying back there. Balancing books and marking calendars and I see myself as a laboratory mouse hitting a lever to free up a pellet but the jar is never full enough. I am like The Count on Sesame Street, always counting and the outcome always falls short. Silently and incessantly, I resort to wishing and willing and pleading, like a gambler at the racetrack whose last chance is on number three. I ponder asking for help, just a little rescue, but of course, I never would. Is that shame I see, anxiety, pride or embarrassment? Could it be that I am unsupported, is my survival under threat and am I in a constant state of subliminal stress?
Stress produces adrenaline which seeps down into my body, I am exhausted and my joints are eroding, stress becomes fatigue and arthritis, like links in a chain and that chain makes its way back into my heart. My heart is holding onto the erroneous belief that I am alone, a warrior without support.
I resist, I don't want to believe this, I don't want to deal with this and I don't even know if this is fixable. I think to myself that the only true weapon I have is my strength. I need to be strong, capable, independent, worldly and wise. This is my view of myself - these are my survival tools. I can't accept that they may not be real - I can't accept that deep down I might be afraid and alone. If it's denial, then I want that denial held in place, the only safe place left might well be that place of denial.
I relax and return my awareness to my heart and tune back in to the microscope and kaleidoscope and become peaceful again as I watch the colours and patterns and energy waves moving gently and refreshingly through me again.
I decide to lift the healing energy up again and into my throat. The energy appears to be blocked between my heart and throat and I experience a strong blockage within the vertebra of my spine. I notice a thick, white, plastic looking substance, blocking the movement of energy. Two beams of light rise in a vee shape into the back of my ears. There is a fluid movement as the light travels back and forth, clearing, unblocking and lighting a passage from my spine to my ears and then across the back of the lower part of my brain. I sense a pleasant aching across my shoulders and back and know that the muscles in this area are relaxing more deeply and tension is being released.
I feel the energy surge upward and know that, that part of my body has now been released of all tension and the energy now makes its way into my throat. I sense my throat has been eagerly waiting for this and the muscles instantly take up the energy and relax. There is softness and a stretching feeling and it's a little hard to swallow for a moment. There is so much movement within my throat that I feel slightly gagged. I swallow and cough and the movement becomes stronger and my throat feels clearer.
There is a dark spot in the centre of my throat and I ask what this is. The voice inside my mind answers, "This is the crying room". I immediately know what this means, I haven't cried in a long, long time. My throat is my cut off point. I developed this skill as a young child; in fact, I still remember the day I made a solemn vow to myself. The vow was that if anyone hurt me, I would not allow them the satisfaction of seeing their effect on me. If I was hurt, verbally abused, humiliated or disappointed in anyway, I would clench my teeth, set my jaw, swallow hard and close my throat, so that a sob could not escape. I could set my face into a poker face and hold my body straight; I could look you in the eye without any expression at all. Inside I would cry, inside I felt like I was dying, but my throat would be clamped shut. Sometimes this was extremely hard to do and very painful, I felt I was strangling myself but I would rather choke than give anyone the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
Very rarely did I fail at this but I do remember a few times when a slight sound did escape involuntarily or my body would let me down by displaying a slight tremble. I would immediately correct it but I would be angry with myself, embarrassed and disappointed, I felt I had somehow betrayed myself. Yes, the crying room, how well I knew what that meant.
As light poured into the darkness of the crying room, I felt my throat and neck muscles relax. I can't remember a time when my throat was completely relaxed and this felt liberating. I saw words and music rise out from my neck and float away. I sensed my thyroid rebalance and wondered again about my relationship with fatigue. Could the tension in my throat have been affecting my thyroid function and further interfering with my vitality? I wanted to explore this question further but my attention was drawn to the words rising from my throat.
`Speak your truth,' I saw written across my neck. I do, I heard my self reply. God only knows the trouble I have encountered by `Speaking my truth'. I have been accused of being indiscreet, insensitive, confrontational, argumentative, self-opinionated and na?ve. More than once, I have been advised to `Think before you speak' and many times it has been suggested that I should `Get my foot out of my mouth'.
No, responded the voice, `Speaking your truth is about respecting and honouring yourself. It's about releasing an insight that may seem trivial or insignificant to you but it might just be a powerful message to the listener. It's about integrity, honesty, wisdom, prophesy and clarity. It's about you being the messenger and the message may be medicine. If it's on your heart to say it, then you must say it. It is not for you to translate or interpret; sometimes you will simply be the voice, which delivers a higher meaning. Your words can also be like mirrors and people will know instantly if you are of integrity, the listener will trust you enough to be able to look at and see themselves'.
By speaking your truth, you allow others to know who you are and what motivates your thoughts, feelings, actions and interpretations. They will find trust in you and respond by giving you their truth. Allow others to know you by your integrity, for this is your currency. When people know what currency you are dealing in, then they know, `you are the real deal".
Speaking your truth is also about being honest with yourself. To thyne own self be true.
We are all teachers, healers, prophets and messengers. Words of truth to yourself and others, brings true freedom.
I find myself back in a space of serenity and silence and feel like I have just returned from the `Great halls of wisdom'. I feel changed, transformed, mildly confused and vaguely aware that it will take time to fully understand and work with this experience.
I wonder where all this will lead, how will I release old beliefs and actualize these insights.
I feel light, peaceful, excited, free, alive and vibrant. I know that something huge and heavy has been lifted. I have been transformed, but into what and how? Am I so different now that my life will be different too? Can I maintain this state and if so how? Will I wake up and be permanently healed, secure, wiser or better?
The questions seem to go unanswered, other than a vague thought that time will tell. I find myself tuning back into energy waves and my body once again becomes awash with light. There is a deep, deep sense of well being flowing though me and around me. I drift lazily and contentedly back into full consciousness. Softly, and seemingly from a long way away, I hear a voice call out the word, `Yes".
Copyright Sonya Green
www.reinventingmyself.com
|
[All work by author is copyright protected. If you would like to use this article, please contact the author for permission.]
Disclaimer: The Views and Information expressed on this webpage are that of the Author and do not necessarily reflect the views, data, policies, endorsement or support of HolisticJunction.com's Administration or its standards.
|
|
|
|
Articles
