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| Category: Meditation |
Date published: January 7, 2006 |
Growing up in an abusive atmosphere made my early life goal a search for power.
Abuse leaves a person feeling powerless in and over their lives and at a deeper level, a beleif that the power of rage and hatred is the dominant power in life. I had been raised religiously in the Catholic church, and that experience only served to reinforce the beleif that even God could not calm the power of fear, rage, and unbridled violence. The experience of looking at the " Son of God " hanging on a cross daily was not the way to encourage me in the almighty power of God.
As I grew, I observed that people were like vampires, ever hungry and forever feeding off one another via relationships in their lives. Husbands and wives fed off one another amidst a power struggle for control, comapnies fed off their workers, as goverments fed off the population, religions off their followers. Children, due to their purity of energies and love, being the prime cuisine on the menu of perversions too long tolerated. Predators and prey seemed the all to familiar scenario of life, But even the Lioness knows she excells the speed and the agility of her prey over time, sooner or later, there will be born a Gazelle that will always be able to outrun her. In my adolesence, I learned to outyell my abusers, outlast them, and one day, I was thirteen, my mother was hitting me like a whirlwind of insanity until she became too exhausted to continue. I grabbed her face pulling her eyes to meet mine. " You don't get it, do you ? You can do this all day and all nite ! It doesn't hurt anymore, it will never hurt me anymore ! " That was the last time she ever tried to hit me again.
I felt powerful, for the first time in my life. I left that day and joined the military, where I would meet a master seargent that taught me to meditate, I finally had found the road to true power. Although the experience I just described left me feeling free and powerful, reality dictated that I had just become a better predator than those that hunted me for my energies, and life is sustained by energy, not oxygen, and not blood.
Meditation brought me true freedom from the vampire world, because I no longer needed to get my life energies from people in my life, I became my own source of energy, drawing from lifes source, no longer dependent on anyone for the " Breath of LIfe " freeing me to the reality that those in my life, were there because of choice, not dependence. Altthough it took me years to assimilate this into my life as a healthy Human Being, I still knew it to be the best practice for those seeking freedom of choice, and feeedom from those that drain them, and from being vampires themselves. Making this a viable reality in ones life does not usually take long atall, but people recovering from abuse have a little deeper hole to climb out of than most, but they will do it with enough encouragement.
We are Beings born to and with enormous power, energies coursing through us few learn to focus and use with skill and self discipline. Meditation brought me the control I needed to leave all predatory / prey life behind me, and more importantly to teach my children this evolution by will and willpower. I had found the power I sought so early in my life, and it was more pwerful than I had hoped for or able to imagine, so much power in such unbeleivable calm. Meditation did not save my life , I did that. It gave me power, enough to become compassionate, forgiving, and loving. Such things growing up were but fairy tales to me, almost feeling abbrasive to my senses, an a cruel joke to my mind. Meditation showed me the error of those emotions, by replacing them with feeling. I Am now- power.
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