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Date published: December 17, 2002
Miles
by chel c
When I was 12 years of age my best friend died, we had known each other since kinder garten.. I was his little princess- although I was much larger than he, and he was my everything.
His passing put me into a state that crippled my emotional growth and left me to believe that I would never be able to extend my friendship without serious reprecusions to both that person and my heart.
It did indeed take me quite some time to recuperate from this terrible event, but survive I did, or at least until recently... I am now 22 years old, and now after 10 years of coping and growing I find myself plagued with dreams of his death and even more horrifying, the death of my yet to come first born child. In most cases, I dream that my first born is male and I name him Miles. Over joyed with excitement and pleasure I become a victim to the "Sand man" and find myself in a near comatose sleep. Upon awakening it is reveiled to me that my son has died, even though at birth he was given a clean bill of health.
This is when I would actually wake up, drowning in my tears and sometimes hyper-ventilating. I've suffered with these dreams for nearly 2 years now, usually on a bi-weekly basis, however in the last little while the frequency of these dreams has increased to sometimes 2 ot 3 times a night. Everytime my sub-
conscious takes me down this path I awake thinking this has actually happened , and unable to function as a normal part of society for several days after.
I need to understand why I'm having these dreams, why I'm having them so often, and if they are in any way related to the passing of my childhood friend.
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Dreams
